Acid Rain
by Foudre
Summary: I could hear voices since I was born. That was normal. But when I lost my 'heart', only one remained. And it wasn't a nice one. Hear the Melodious Nocturne, the song of despair and life. Slow beginning, but it will get darker and interesting. Please R&R.
1. Breaking the Tradition

Warning: As said in the summary, Demyx isn't your happy-go-lucky wimp. 'Despair and life' is based on the two sides of Demyx: himself and the voice that will be named in this chapter. Why he has an inner voice will be revealed later.

* * *

**I. Breaking the Tradition**

I never liked the number nine. It was awkward to write, and just sounded bizarre. _Nine. _So how I ended up with that number in the Organisation, it was like fate. In a way that made your heart sink. Although I didn't have one – a Nobody doesn't have something as simple as that. That was what one of them told me anyway. That everything I was feeling was simply a fragment of what I remember.

I let my feet dangle over the roof of some house, banging my heels against its wall. Everywhere I looked was yellow and pasty, sick to the bone and unwell. Why my mission was to do recon on this place was simple – I could camp out here for days and I wouldn't flinch.

Which left me alone with him.

It was four days, whilst we were spying on the marketplace below.

_We have three days. You do remember that people back there will give you a name?_

I was aware of that. I had been assigned as Demyx before leaving on this mission, but it had been finalised that the others would decide on my title. I only remember one being called the Freeshooter, and someone with red hair was called something I couldn't possibly repeat.

_Flurry of Dancing Flames._

That.

_There's also Luna Diviner, Whirlwind Lancer, Cloaked Schemer. _

Are you saying two worded titles are more popular? That that's what I'm expecting?

_I'm not saying anything. I'm just recalling what they are._

I looked away from a particularly portly man at the fish stand, letting my eyes lift towards the nice doors further down the road. Double doors as large as the houses themselves, extravagant in every angle. I couldn't fathom what was beyond.

_It's quite an eyesore, isn't it?_

I exhaled sharply. How?

_Everything else is in a bad shape. Having that in such a barren landscape is practically saying, "Take that, suckers." Bet the people down there feel the same way – they're living on scraps._

'Scraps' is harsh.

_Then where did that fish come from? Look around._

I did, I really did. But it was hard to look past the wall that surrounded the city.

_The city's built on a desert. I'd be damned if there's water with fish enough to fill up that stand every day._

This recon was hurting my head. It was him doing it all, but it affected me just the same.

_If it makes you feel better, shall we break the tradition?_

Huh?

_Instead of them giving us a title, let's give it to ourselves._

I don't think they'll be happy if I return home and refuse the effort they put into finding a suitable title.

_Let's just say that's a punishment for not naming me whilst they were there. And it's not like they know you well enough to give you a decent name. There's a limit to how seriously water can be thought of._

I let a smile creep onto my face. Have you got something else in mind?

_Of course. Your weapon's a sitar – from my knowledge, the others don't have an inkling of understanding of music. Fire the word Arpeggio or something, and they probably won't know what it means._

Everyone knows that.

_Not them. They're scientists, I'm telling you. A genre might be better – minuet, dirge, waltz, tango, nocturne, ballad. Take your pick._

You choose.

_Nocturne. And make it Melodious Nocturne, I'm a fan of oxymorons._

What's that?

_Contradicting words. Although melodious is rather mild, since there are still nocturnes with melody. _

That was the first complete title you said, so I'll take it. I've thought of your one too.

_Hit me. _

Valiant Stratus.

_Did you take that idea from Silent Hero?_

I forgot about that one. Actually, it was because stratus is a type of cloud. You're only hovering in my head, but you have helped me so much ever since…then. I could hear voices since I was born. That was normal. But when I lost my heart, only one remained. I'm glad that I can finally hear you.

_In a way, you turning into a Nobody has brought us together. _

That's true. As for your name, shorten it down.

_Valitus._


	2. The Usual Ordeal

Believe it or not, I thought of the OC name Valitus before Birth by Sleep. You can imagine how hard I laughed. Also, things may get confusing. Please let me hear any feedback!

**II. The Usual Ordeal**

When I returned from my mission, reported my very limited observations to the blue-haired Saix and went to the Round Room, it didn't take me long to notice that they were all looking down at me. When I explained that I had already decided on my title, there were stirs in the seats above, some of them leaning to talk to others and some just staring me down.

Like the broad one to the right of the Superior. He kept his arms folded, his hood so low but I knew he was staring at me just beneath the hem.

They accepted Valitus' name for me though – I never heard what they had thought for me. Perhaps it was better that way.

There was more talk about 'usual business', things I couldn't join in because I was so low down and took all the effort to even hear anything. It went without saying that it wasn't long until I decided to sit down on the floor rather than stand. I was bored, but I didn't dare show myself out or take out my sitar in a bubble of water.

They disappeared out of their seats in puffs of purple, and it took me minutes to realise that the meeting had finished without me noticing.

If I had noticed sooner, maybe Saix wouldn't be so irritated and be on the verge of tearing off my head. His scar across his face was larger and with more depth than I recalled. I nearly fell onto my back as he cleared his throat.

"On your first day, you called the Superior 'Boss Man'. You went to great lengths to cling onto Xigbar's arm, protesting you didn't want to stand here by yourself. You became part of this Organisation with no true knowledge of our motive. You may want to be seen as innocent, but no one becomes a Nobody without hiding a few secrets."

I let out a nervous laugh. As a matter of fact. Saix leering down at me was scarier than the crossed armed man. "I'm not hiding anything. I'm sorry that I didn't do as well as you wanted me to do on the recon, but I'll do better next time. Promise."

Saix didn't blink. "I wasn't expecting anything on Vexen's standards from you. That's in the past – I'll assign you something else next time. But do you know how people become Nobodies?"

I shook my head. One day I lost it, and here I was. I was simply wearing someone else's skin like a fur coat in winter; not mine, but claiming it to be.

"It's when the dark energy engulfs your entire being, to the point you go crazy from it. It's impossible for a Nobody to be formed without a few dark corners." Saix drew himself to his full height, which was pretty tall considering I was still on the floor. "You may be able to fool others, but don't take me so lightly."

Then, just like everybody else, he made his exit in a portal.

He hates me.

_Not true. Just suspicious._

So does he.

_Who?_

You know who I mean.

_Xaldin, the Whirlwind Lancer._

Was it? These names are a pain.

_You'll get used to them._

That's not the problem. It's whether they can get used to me. You know what it was like, back in that room.

_Yes I do._

I have a feeling it will be just like that.

_I know. You feel what I feel._

But the emotion of fear doesn't exist in Nobodies. Xigbar said that we don't have hearts. Saix is distrusting of me, but the feeling of insecurity is also a false emotion. How can we recall all these emotions and not think for a second that they're ours?

_You feel what I feel. I'm not Nobody. I'm you._

* * *

Every second, they're looking for something wrong with me. They know I'm not one of them, even if I look it. It's the same as what they did.

The air smelt. It was always like this, but today was particularly fowl. Had someone died down the corridor? Was it merely the stench of sick, ebbing its way through the tiny gap beneath the door? There was no way for me to tell.

There was a knock at the door, and I turned my head marginally to see who it was.

"You're up early," the man said, not bothering to close the door behind him.

I scooted myself so my body faced him, but also a little further away. My hands clenched the bedcovers, letting them seep through my fingers like silk. They obviously weren't though – no one in their right mind gave silk to sick patients and expect them to be pristine by the morning. Even schizophrenics like me occasionally wet the bed or cut their finger on a fork.

"I couldn't sleep. One of them was screaming again."

The balding man took the clipboard from the end of my bed and took a pen from his chest pocket, making frantic notes. "Looking at past records, it seems to be getting worse."

You see? I told you.

"There were moans as well, someone shouting words I couldn't make out, but sounded violent and the one I mentioned before screaming in fear."

He continued to write as I talked. "When did they stop?"

I bit my lower lip. "I don't remember."

"Don't force yourself," he said on automatic as he replaced the clipboard to my bed. "So then Edym, shall we get this over and done with?"

As always, I was reluctant. But my bare feet always found their way onto the floor, knew their way to the room. It was part of routine, one that I had been stuck in for over three years now. How I could still stand, I didn't know.

Loads of eyes stared at me as I made my way to the familiar bed at the end of the room. My arms and legs were strapped in place, then finally my head. I had gotten used to the usual ordeal. I knew what I had to do, what came next. But the pain that came was always new. Fresh and raw.

"Who's this?" the same man asked.

It was a picture of my mother, but I can't recall her name. She was the one who gave me a very poor spelling of Adam. She searched for everyone and anyone who would help, from cognitive psychologists to the teacher next door. And three years ago, she gave up.

"No one I know."

The man sighed, displeased to hear my usual response. "Very well. Shall we proceed?"

Then get on with it. It was uncomfortable like this.

Something stabbed my arm, something sticky was stuck on either side of my temple. I couldn't blink, move or anything ordinary. I just stared at the ceiling and waited for the volts to surge through my head and frazzle my brain alive. I couldn't see when it was ready, and there were times I would sit there for minutes on end and I wouldn't stop wishing for it to come.

Today it was quick. My head was at exploding point, regardless of the fact the pulse lasted for less than a second. My body shook without me telling to, I could feel their eyes watching me as I squirmed uncontrollably. The straps dug into my sides and my exposed arms.

I wanted to scream the pain out of me, anything to distract me from what I was experiencing now. Tear the covers, writhe with my own hands, not whatever's doing it now.

Instead, the only thing that my body did on its own was make my eyes water, and as the seconds went by, the tear turned into a small stream that wet the pillow.


	3. It's Like Building A Snowman

I still don't understand the Birth by Sleep timeline, so if I made any errors about Kingdom Hearts and the fact Vexen does/doesn't know how to make it, I'm sorry.

**III. It's Like Building A Snowman**

The thing about Vexen was that he was never in the Grey Room. There were days I would the same two members chill on the sofa and chat, the vibrant redhead leaning against the glass and shouting irrelevant things to Saix. But I had yet to see Vexen…anywhere that wasn't in the Round Room. The only reason I remembered his name was because he gave me a look upon arrival. A look of warped curiosity.

It had been a week since my first mission, and I was relieved that Saix hadn't given me anything in the meantime.

It was still difficult to settle in, taking more interest in playing the sitar in my room or sitting on a desolate sofa doing just that again. Sometimes it wasn't real playing, just letting its weight take me away and encourage me not to look at anyone.

_If you're going to keep going like this, then there's no reason why you signed up._

I was already aware of that fact, but the phrase 'Kingdom Hearts' caught my attention. It was their grand plan, and their ultimate goal. That was what Xigbar said anyway on the day he gave the proposal. "We're all like you. We simply exist, even if we're not meant to." Or something like that.

_And then after that first day, he left you just like that._

It was something that was meant to happen. No one knows about you, but they still know something's up.

I guess I should have predicted that the scientist of the group would approach me first.

"Don't mind me," he said as I made to get up. I wasn't used to having someone sit next to me, even more so the one who was never here. "I couldn't concentrate over there."

I gave a small nod, gingerly sitting back down and rearranging my sitar on my lap. Even though the other sofa was free, why did he choose to sit next to me? Was there something he wanted from me?

_You can't trust him._

I guess after two weeks, he wouldn't realise that I hadn't gotten to know anyone at all. Perhaps he had made the assumption that I would be interesting, a good person to get on with.

We sat there in silence for ages, him flicking through neatly stapled paperwork and occasionally sipping his strong coffee and me drumming the sitar as quietly as I could. In contrast, there was laughter and happiness on the other side of the room, although I couldn't make out anything concrete.

I accidently stole a look at what Vexen was reading and constantly furrowing his eyebrows over, and that was probably my downfall. "How can you read all that? I can't read half of the things on there, let alone what they mean."

Vexen let out an irritated sigh through his nose, flashing a dangerous look. "I can understand this because I wrote it. And only someone like me would make sense of it because it's my work, and no one else has the motivation nor intellect to have an inkling of the foundations. Now, once you've finished ogling, I want to read this in peace. It's best if you give up trying to understand since it's not in your capabilities."

I tried to think of something in common. "What about Kingdom Hearts? What exactly is it?"

"It's the key to getting our hearts back. But we're still researching about how to do that. Or more accurately, that's what I'm doing and Zexion is assisting on."

"So if we can't find Kingdom Hearts, we can't get our hearts back?"

Vexen took another swing of his coffee, exasperated. "Not find, make. If we can somehow eliminate Heartless and gather the hearts, then it is possible. The problem is how to contain the hearts. When we kill Heartless, the hearts are left to wander and form more Heartless."

"It's like building a snowman."

"I'm sorry?" he asked a little too quickly.

"Gathering snow to make something spectacular, but do it too slow, it all crumples to the floor. Valuable time and effort is wasted. Is that what we're doing at the moment?"

"As I said, I'm still researching on it. Science is based on hypotheses and trials – if there is a way to contain the hearts, then it will surely be discovered." Vexen looked back at his valuable work, and I took that as a hint he didn't want to be bothered anymore.

If Kingdom Hearts was a snowman, there was a certain time limit to how long it would take to melt. Hopes of having a heart were short-lived at best.

* * *

I think my encounter with Vexen this morning had stirred a lot of interest amongst the other members. For when I returned from my trip to the lavatory, Xigbar beckoned me over to his side of the room rather than back to Vexen, which was where I was planning to sit again. I wasn't used to people approaching me, so it was only when he came over to me that I realised he wanted my attention.

"New boy, would you mind if I gave you a bit of advice?"

I was taken aback, lost for words. What was he expecting me to say?

He didn't wait for me to say anything, rubbing the back of his neck. "If you keep isolating yourself like this, the only people you'll attract is people like Vexen. When I recruited you back in that alley, you weren't like this. Is something up?"

I shook my head vigorously. "Of course not!" I blurted out, wildly shaking my arms in front of me. "It's just I had the history of being a nuisance, and things go more smoothly when I'm by myself."

Xigbar laughed at my comment, and I felt myself draw in a large breath in anxiety. "Nuisance I have to agree with. Come on, you can't hide in your shell all day."

I wanted to know what he meant, but he just turned on his heel and made his way back to the other cloaked people. I was about to sit next to Vexen again, but Xigbar caught my eye, faster this time. "Don't make me get you."

_He wants you to follow him._

"Oh," I stammered, stumbling across the room to where there were clearly more people. There was the redhead and someone perhaps a little younger than me with his nose in a book, squashed on the same sofa as the one who stared me down. If Vexen got irritated enough to sit with me, how this boy could read in peace was inspirational.

"That's Xaldin, Zexion and Axel," he introduced as he pointed them out. "Pick whichever seat you want, and we'll talk."

I chose the one furthest away from the one called Xaldin, making sure not to look into those eyes. Now he had his hood down, those dreadlocks and large sideburns made him more menacing. Much to my dismay, Xigbar chose to sit on the same sofa as me.

"So then, it's rude not to introduce yourself." He cracked a grin, and regardless of his eyepatch and long scar beneath one eye, it was friendly.

"Um, I'm Demyx."

The redhead named Axel draped an arm over the back of the settee. "Is this really necessary?"

"Yes," Xigbar replied sternly. "Honestly, if he were me, I would have already died of boredom. Social interactions are pretty important, especially if we're called for doubles missions. No point going outside here and not knowing what to expect of your partner."

I binked. "What are doubles missions?" I asked Xigbar.

"Exactly that. It's not like every mission will pan out nicely for one person, so doubles missions are where more than one person is sent out at a time. Of course, with you effectively being a trainee, you'll have multiple mentors to help you with missions involving combat for a while."

"Speaking of which, what can you summon? We all already heard you have power over water, but what's your weapon?" Axel asked. I think even Zexion's head lifted when he asked.

I thought that they would realise by now, the number of times I had entered here. "A sitar."

There was a mild silence, three staring at me and the other returning to his book. Something was up. Was having a sitar really that bad? The Xaldin burst into peals of laughter, quiet at first then louder.

"A _sitar_? And I thought Zexion had a bad one!"

The boy barely looked up, his visible eye lifting minutely. Then he flung his book at Xaldin's head with a small jerk of his wrist, where the book landed back into his hand on the exact page he had left it.

I was surprised about the assault, inwardly wondering why Xaldin hadn't done anything to avoid it. "W-what about everyone else then?" I asked as an attempt to divert the attention from me and my apparently hilarious weapon.

Axel was too busy grinning from ear to ear to hear me, so it was once again Xigbar who replied. "I can use arrowguns, Xaldin uses six lances – he uses the wind to keep control of all of them – Zexion, as you witnessed, can summon a book and Axel uses chakrams. A sitar's not bad, don't take Xaldin's comment to heart."

I smiled. I valued music more than anything, and if Xaldin wanted to laugh at it, it only showed that he had no interest in it. There was never a moment I thought we would get on anyway – that's the general aura I had. People never came to me, only the doctors and medical help. If I ever had the chance to meet others, they would turn tail if I said I was schizophrenic.

If these people never knew, maybe I could have a chance. Valitus was there to help – he never terrified me at night the way it was like before, he offered me the courage I would never have mustered. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have signed up. I was happy to be here, even if I was only just settling in.


	4. Water of Ruby

I would like to add that after writing that scene to reserve for later, there is a fair bit of gore. This chapter gives a fair indication of what to expect. I hope I haven't put anyone off.

**IV. Water of Ruby**

There's no one here. It's just cold, my fingers were numb and my breath wasn't warming them up in the slightest. How did I get here? What had happened after that?

My hospital clothes were stained with dry blood on the front, my sleeves in shreds from the number of times I tried to bring my knees closer to my body. I couldn't bring myself to recall what had happened before the darkness, but the screams and clattering of instruments was still echoing in my head. How long had it been since I had snapped like that? Had I been knocked unconscious, then tossed out on these streets I don't recognise?

I rocked on my heels as I looked around, hoping for a change in scenery. I hadn't budged from here, and I didn't think there was much use to do so now. It was so dark, and only some of the neon lights overhead were functioning. This city was probably isolated – I might as well die here.

One, two, three, four. My body was a metronome of my thoughts, bouncing between isolation and fear. I didn't want to be alone, but here I was. If I had my guitar, I would have felt a lot better. Music had helped me in the past, but why couldn't I sing now? I was too afraid to break the silence. Even they didn't, and that made me feel as lonely as ever.

The silence lasted for ages, and the sound of footsteps caught my attention as they came nearer. Life had arrived.

"So you were here?" a hooded man asked as he turned the corner. He came to crouch by me, taking off his hood. His black and grey ponytail, eyepatch, yellow eye and scar wasn't enough to define strange.

I instinctively backed away.

"Are you wondering how you ended up here? Why nothing makes sense to you?"

Get lost, you geezer. I won't fall for your tricks.

"At the Organisation, we can help you. We're all like you – beings without hearts, beings who aren't even meant to exist."

I kept my mouth shut, regardless of his rudeness. How can you say to someone they don't exist? I can wiggle my exposed toes, taste the remains of blood on my lips, smell the reek that it gives off. How could I _not _be here?

"By creating Kingdom Hearts, we can be complete. That's what we're aiming for – if you assist us, we'll give you some of the end reward. Fair deal, right?"

I felt uncomfortable, but I didn't know how to get rid of him. It's not like I had anywhere to go. But getting whisked away to some Organisation was insane. Was that a codename for asylum?

_Relax. Keep an attitude like that, then you're going to be suspicious of everything._

Who's that?

_Who indeed. But it's part of you at least._

You mean...even if everyone else has gone, you're still here for me? You didn't abandon me?

_Why would I? You can barely stand by yourself._

I stifled a small laugh. I'm useless, aren't I? What am I meant to do?

_Accept the proposal. It's not like anything like this is going to come a second time. _

I gingerly got onto my feet, half forgetting how it had felt. The flooring under my feet was rough, but I paid it no attention as I gave my broadest grin. I had to be brave, muster whatever strength I had. "I don't want to go back, so I'll join up."

The man furrowed his eyebrows, probably due to my sudden change in attitude. Then he burst out laughing. "Not even going to ask how you're meant to assist?"

"Nah, that's thinking too far ahead," I replied swiftly. Which was true – my mind was only on the single voice that remained in my head. Wherever I was, I wouldn't be alone. I didn't care about where the rapids would take us. We'll tackle this together, one thing at a time. "Just promise me one thing: that I don't have to wear these clothes again."

* * *

Having a single bed with a broad window made my room extremely grim. The room was, like a lot of the rest of the castle, stark white and having a light of its own. Was everyone else's room like this too?

There wasn't even any sort of blankets to keep my body warm. In a way, this place wasn't much better than the hospital, but at least I could move as I pleased and arouse as late as I wanted to rather than abide to their plans.

I had no idea why I was here – I simply had faith in Valitus, and that he would put me onto the right track. Being here would be better than nothing after all. If it got too much, I'll make a run for it.

Everything that happened here was the first bar of the song of despair and life. I had to discard everything about how I came to be, what made me sink into the darkness, and start afresh. At least that's what I figured – it was easier said than done.

I would let my head fuzz as I remembered those days, vowing not to let them leave the room and keeping it all with me. Valitus gave me support on those days it became too much for me. There was so much blood on Edym's front, a single room painted red in his insanity. The simple recollection of the horrific episode oftentimes made me break down.

If only Valitus was real, I would cry on his shoulder.

I highly doubted that the others fell into the darkness that grand. I heard their story from Xigbar when we were on a mission together.

"All of us were residents of a place called Radiant Garden. We all fell into the darkness at the same time, although Axel and Saix joined a bit later on," Xigbar started as he sat himself on a wall of Twilight Town. I accompanied him. "Some research we were investigating at the time went severely wrong, and the darkness that was born from us spread across the entire world like a plague."

I blinked. "Can darkness really do that?"

Xigbar grinned. "It takes a lot of it, but it's definitely possible. The scale of our work was huge, it was only a matter of time for it to manifest itself. But it's you we're curious about." He leaned forwards, letting his elbows rest on his thighs. "It takes a lot to get lost. But even more to claw your way out. What's your story?"

I couldn't tell him the truth. It still gave me nightmares what I did to them.

"I did things. After that, I regretted it and wanted to amend. It was too late," I said, making sure not to meet his gaze. It was true to a certain extent, even if it wasn't the most detailed explanation.

Of course, Xigbar wasn't satisfied with the answer. "You're going to have to say more. What things did you do?"

Don't make this harder for me.

"Things," I repeated nonchalantly as I mentally shook the red room out of my head. "Bad things. Things that…that are better kept secret."

"Did you want more than what you could get your hands on? Is it something you wish you never did? Since we all feel the same way, there's no need to burden everything by yourself."

I'm not. I've got Valitus.

"What research did you do? Did you investigate people?"

Xigbar let out a sigh. "Inhumane research. The thing is, getting consumed by the darkness is a long process. We created Heartless, we disobeyed orders. Our plans had gone so out of hand the heart of our world was lost. You may be assigned there one day – Hollow Bastion. Saix and Axel got caught in the crossfire, but they had their own share of darkness too."

Admittedly, it did make a bit better. Knowing that it wasn't only me at fault.

"From our knowledge, no worlds have recently lost their heart. So you lost yours all by yourself. How did you do it?"

_He'll hate you if you tell him._

I know.

"You know that I was in hospital?" He nodded. "I had been in there for years. Then one day, it was too much and I lost control. Even when I…one at a time, it never felt enough. Scalpels…fatal wounds, the screams." The flashes of red flickered across my memory again, growing more vivid than ever. The man crying got to me the most, the blood running down both his cheeks. There was water of ruby swirling round my toes, but in actuality it was simply in air. "I couldn't…I-"

My hands gripped the wall tighter, and stopped blubbering when I felt Xigbar ruffle my hair affectionately. Or chummily, probably more accurate for a Nobody. "It must have been painful. Thank you for telling me."


	5. I Want To Be Stronger

**V. I Want To Be Stronger**

I was told by Xigbar after my recollection that that was the purpose of the mission, a way to probe into my past life. They were curious how someone like me was like them. I guess I could understand fully why Saix suspected I had 'dark corners', as he said.

Xigbar was gracious though, only reporting to Saix with a hushed whisper what I said word for word. Apparently, he had been assigned to me since I was 'fragile', and that I wouldn't have felt comfortable with anyone else. I certainly didn't want the others to back away from me – I wasn't like that anymore. My hands were so stained I couldn't bring myself to do anything like murder again. No amount of water would wash my sins away.

_You're leaving it there?_

It's better that way.

I presumed that Saix understood, since he didn't approach me, instead giving me a small nod. "I'll report to the Superior. I think he should know. It would assist tremendously in finding other Nobodies."

I almost laughed. Was it possible for him to probe into mass murderers and finding their Nobody?

I didn't give a reply to Saix – it wasn't like he was asking for permission to have my private life disclosed. He was telling me that was what he was going to do. I took the sofa space next to Axel whilst Xigbar left the Grey Area. I could feel Saix watching me.

"Looks like you made it through the probing mission."

"Somehow," I said through a laugh, kicking my feet onto the table. Axel just slouched a bit more. "Is that the way they do it?"

"Saix and I went through the same thing. We were forced apart so they could get both sides of the story. I got Xaldin, Saix got Zexion."

I whistled at the line-up. "You both had it hard."

"Yeah, I hated Xaldin for weeks after that. He was set on having a proper interview on me, and you can tell it didn't work out. He would just press more questions at me when I barely regained my breath. I even got angry at him and ran off. Treated myself to an ice cream to bite down my frustration. I always find food makes me feel better."

I looked at him, then harder. His arms were bony, and his face was pointy and defined. I couldn't see his legs under the long robe, but I knew they had barely any flesh on it too. The sentence he just said didn't make sense.

"Are you going to comment on my body size as well?"

I shook my head vigorously. "I'm sorry for staring."

Axel gave a broad grin. "At least Xigbar looked like he went into you nicely." I could tell he was eager to change the subject. "But, just so you know, we're still your friends. You may think that we're without hearts to care, but we understand you more than anyone can. We've all been through the same trauma, and to be frank, I don't care what happened to you. You're here, and that's all that matters. Got it memorised?"

Yes. The hospital was in the past. Demyx had absolutely nothing to do with Edym's life. Everything in the past didn't matter in the slightest. I was in charge of my own life. I'm going to be stronger now I've been given this chance.

* * *

It was nice to be with other people, but there were times I wanted to be with Valitus alone. It was strenuous trying to laugh when they did, have my input into the conversation without constantly worrying about what they thought of me. I had thought that he was thinking the same as well, so it was high time that I left my room, but didn't proceed to the Grey Area like I normally did. Instead, I took a mild adventure to Naught Skyway, letting the non-existent breeze blow at my face. It was a nice view from here, you could see the World That Never Was from above rather than in it.

_Are they too much for you?_

No, it's just that we haven't had much time together recently.

_We talk before you fall asleep. Is that not good enough?_

I just thought we should both get some fresh air. Xigbar can be a handful on a daily basis.

_If he bothers you so much, you could try spending more time with other people. Axel's your best choice, so long as he's not leaning over Saix' arm._

They've been through a lot together, I can tell. It must be nice to have childhood friends that stick with you for so long. How old do you think they were when they met?

_I think you've completely forgotten about the no-aging thing._

Right. They could have been Nobodies for ages, and made friends before joining the Organisation…

I exhaled through my nose, smiling as I looked up towards the night sky. It was pitch black, but the castle was so white. It was such a contrast.

_You know, something's been bothering me._

What is it?

_We've been here for several weeks. Isn't it high time we go out on solo missions? I can't tell if Saix just hates you, or that you're not capable enough, but I want to be stronger._

Why be stronger? Last time, Xaldin took my workload without me telling him to, which made the mission faster overall. He said loads of times before I get in his way, so it's nice to let the events unfold.

_Yeah, fantastic, but there's only so much I can watch someone else's back and just watch._

I'm sorry, this is who I am. Perhaps I'm not cut out for fighting.

_Why not let the water take over then? Let that do the fighting rather than you physically. So you can still sit away and I can do the battle?_

I guess that's fair. But that will still need effort on my part, right?

_It will need work on your part, but I should be able to have some control if you could keep a body of water preserved for more than a few seconds. Have a go._

I brought out my sitar without another word – Valitus was trying to help me by taking some of my share, but if it took work to get there, then I suppose I didn't mind putting it in if it was good in the long run. I plucked one string, two, then a blobby bubble appeared in front of me. I concentrated on making it bigger, more stable, but it popped after 30 seconds of concentration.

_Better than what I thought you were going to do._

But it's a lot of effort to keep it like that.

_That can be fixed. But maybe you need an idea of what the general shape should be._

What do you look like? It would be nice if you could fight as yourself.

_I never had a body. So if you had to give me one, it would look just like you to the last hair._

Then that's what I'll do.

I massaged my fingers before trying again to summon the water, as jamming on the strings brought a fair bit of pain. The bubble appeared before me again, and I willed myself to stretch it, distort its form to look remotely human. Once again, time was up before I could make great improvement.

"_Again."_


	6. Let's Dance

Yay, Zexion! *promptly explodes*

**VI. Let's Dance**

"You're out here again?"

My much-improved water figure burst as my fingers clumsily went all over the place on the sitar, and I heard Valitus sigh as I located who was talking to me. I realised why the voice sounded so gentle and…bored. I feared that it was Saix moaning at me again. In fact, it was because I had never heard Zexion say anything to me directly until now.

He arched his visible eyebrow as he waited for an answer.

"Yeah, it's good to practise outside missions. I don't get much chance to do anything on the field."

Zexion smiled, and I didn't like the sight one bit. There was something about him that scared me. Maybe it was the way he fired his book at Xaldin without a second thought, which no one else would ever have done. That had to be it. Not because of his title or because he oftentimes didn't say anything, observing from a distance and watch with those cold eyes.

"Then you're lucky. Saix pitched us two to be together in the next mission. I'll make sure you get lots of experience. I believe it's Heartless control in Agrabah." He turned on his heel and made his way back inside the castle. "I'll meet you there once I've done a few things. Make sure you report to Saix before heading out."

I made that mistake once. I got in _big _trouble once I came back, and Axel had to explain my blunder in the most believable way. Saix wouldn't believe me if I said I overslept, but he definitely took it easy when Axel was involved.

I didn't have to wait long for Zexion at all. I was curious with what he was doing, but I didn't dare ask.

He acknowledged my punctuality, then walked across the house roof to look at the city below. Was this the same spot Valitus had decided on my title? I wasn't sure – everything looked the same in this place.

"There are rather a few people, so we'll have to eliminate the Heartless without them noticing. Unless…" He brought a finger to his lips, then used his other hand to catch the book he had summoned. After a few party tricks of vigorous turning of pages with invisible hands and sparks of purple, Zexion let the book dissolve into thin air and jumped off the roof.

I hurried to the edge of the roof, but I was glad that he landed on a rickety cloth that kept the stall below in the shade. I stayed low on my front to keep any attention away from me. "What was that you just did? And how come no one noticed you? Are you a magician?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Zexion retorted, sliding off the cloth and landing cleanly in front of a well-dressed customer. To my surprise, she didn't notice in the slightest. Even though Zexion was now staring at her and gave a firm nod. "I only put a mild fog over this area so they wouldn't hear or see anything unusual."

_That's the illusionist for you._

"That's quite a useful power," I commented, following his lead to the floor now I was confident we would go unnoticed.

"Thank you," he said curtly, not looking at me anymore. "And, when we do meet our Heartless, you can take over. If you disappoint me or you prove to be a hindrance, I'll clean up the mess and report without you. I hope I made that clear."

"Definitely."

Yup, I'm definitely dead.

Much to my dismay, it didn't take us long to locate the Heartless either. Something about Zexion being able to track them based on their scent or something. I didn't really understand, but I pretended I did.

It was a strange sensation, looking at these fire plants that barely reached my waist but I was the one who had to kill it. It had always been someone else, and I had observed them with fascination.

"If you keep standing there, you're going to be set on fire," Zexion mentored, and I snapped out of my thoughts.

My sitar landed in my open arms as I prepared myself for battle, eying the plants as I tried to figure out which one to take first. They all looked back at me.

I would probably feel immensely guilty by the time I returned back, but there was only one thing to do. I grabbed hold of my sitar by the neck, swinging its weight into a low arc, hitting one plant and doing seemingly no damage.

They had a mind of their own, I swear. For after that, it didn't take me long for me to realise three of the plant simultaneously hit me with seemingly a small bomb, but upon impact set my coat on fire. My sitar clattered onto the floor as I tried to do something about it.

To make things worse, I think I saw Zexion laughing at my poor performance. I could hear Valitus more than him though, in full blown hysterics and his laughter bouncing between my ears.

After a short time, the flames died down and I figured I was making a fuss about nothing since there wasn't any sign of the coat being singed, let alone there being any burns.

Take two was more or less the same scenario, but at least I managed to take one Heartless down with me. At least I knew Zexion wouldn't bail on me – he got a lot of amusement from me, there was no need to worry.

_Come on, they're plants. And fire ones as well. Water might do the trick._

But you know how bad I am. I can't get the head to appear. So it's just this headless Mr Water for a while, then it goes splat on the ground.

_That will do, let me take over for a while. You'll be a laughing stock if you continue like this._

I lay the sitar in front of me, where it levitated there for reasons even I didn't know. One chord was enough to get started, then everything else got there on automatic; two arms, a torso, the stumpy neck, even an identical sitar which was the only bit I had perfected.

_Concentrate on the music. Give me a waltz._

I did, using a foot as a metronome. My head banged as I got into the tune, letting my fingers fly across the sitar and play the chords of the Danse Macabre without a single mistake.

_I remember this._

I played it all the time in the hospital. Facing the wall so I wouldn't see them. So I wouldn't see the constant reminders I was trapped. It's a nice piece.

_That must be why it's my favourite._

I looked up as I hummed to the climatic part of the song, and I saw the water figure swinging that sitar as I must have done. It drowned plants in its wake, the fire pellets had no effect. On every first beat of the bar, a small pulse was emitted from the figure, a circular sphere that exploded upon impact.

It wasn't long until the water clone fell onto the floor in a heap, the water sinking right into the sand. But after that, not a single fire plant was in sight.

_And that's how it's done. Let's dance again._


	7. We Do Have Hearts

Pretty important chapter, this one. Since pretty much from here, things go a bit wrong.

**VII. We Do Have Hearts**

I trusted Valitus completely. Whenever he would tell me to do something, it always worked out for the better. He could make me see all sorts of things I would never have done myself. Like how to send out turrets of water and drown everything in the way. Like how amusing it was to disrupt Axel's power by snuffing his flames.

We were selfish in that sense. We lived for the sole purpose of amusement. If we couldn't entertain, then there was nothing left in the day.

We used others. He pretended to like others to stimulate himself. I wanted the attention of others to make sure I was still here and wasn't simply the carpet.

We both got bored easily. It was mission, sleep, talk or snacks. Since we didn't have hearts, food wasn't a necessity to keep us going. Axel often ate out when he was angry (and bring back an ice cream for Saix as an apology), I couldn't count how many times I had seen Zexion eat a sandwich on those times he didn't have his nose in a book. I often chose sour candies.

What was boredom? Was that an emotion, something people with hearts feel?

_Beats me._

I stretched on my bed, taking up as much room as I was able to. Have I really got to do this? How long have we been stuck in this place?

_Two months is my guess._

And in that time, Vexen's got no closer to finding out how to make Kingdom Hearts. Will it even help us? What if we're just working towards something that's actually impossible to reach?

_Have a bit of faith. It can't be like this forever._

It's not that I'm worried about. Even if we make Kingdom Hearts, how do we know that it will give us hearts? If we only need one, can't we just kill a random Heartless and stick it into ourselves?

_Vexen would pummel you if he heard you. I think he told you before that we need a lot of hearts to sustain our being. _

Why does everyone make such a great fuss about it though? We still have emotions and that.

_We weren't born with one. It was stolen, essentially. It's instinct to try and take back what you had before._

But even if these feelings aren't ours, there isn't anyone left to claim them. We might as well take them for ourselves.

_Now that sounds selfish._

I cracked a smile. They aren't ours, but what's the use if they're only going to be buried? Everything I feel is important, I don't want to think they're not real.

_Even if they aren't?_

Especially if they aren't. I was diagnosed as a schizophrenic, even though I didn't know what the word meant at first. If we don't have hearts, then all I want is some proof. I don't want to ignore these feelings just because someone tells me to.

_What if you do find your proof? What will you do then?_

I'll accept whatever the answer may be. But I know that we have them, we have to. I feel happy whenever I'm around Xigbar, there are times I laugh genuinely. How could I have recalled those memories when I don't even remember such a thing?

_Memories are precious things. They are a biological record of what has happened in your life, and can be modified and repressed at will. They may not always be accurate, but they are a fair representation of what has happened in the past._

Memories are stupid then, if they're not even accurate.

_Indeed. Hearts, however, change for the better._

What do you mean?

_As a Somebody, the only thing that keeps you going is the Heart. If you have a wish you definitely want to fulfil, then the Heart is filled with power. If there's someone you want to protect no matter what, the Heart ensures that will always be the case._

A physical Heart can't do all that though. What if by 'Heart', it's not the physical sense? On a completely different level. Without a Heart, the Somebody in question doesn't get sufficient oxygen into their system.

_Meaning?_

What if by 'Heart', it meant life itself?

_Nobodies are created because the Somebody refused to have a peaceful death. Therefore by having no 'Heart', it sums up that your Nobody life is unnatural, non-existent. _

You see, I fail to see that. True, the Nobodies refuse to bleed, have more dark energy than most people and have incredible powers granted after birth, but we still breathe, have the capability to laugh and cry, even if they are all immensely restricted. Even if we have different origins than everyone else, it can't be generalised that we're not meant to exist.

_Once consumed by the darkness, the Somebody's meant to stay down._

And a Nobody's formed when the Somebody realises their mistake, or basically has a strong will. The realisation that what they did is wrong, and that the Nobody is a tool used to redeem yourself and correct the wrongs.

_And how will you correct yours? You don't remember where you came from._

I would have to redeem in different ways. Be someone that would live six futures.

_Six? You killed five._

Six including me. If five lives were the price of my future, then my future would have to be better than any of them. A Nobody is the reincarnation of the Somebody's soul. Even though the physical body may be slightly different, it still serves the same purpose. Someone like Vexen would probably refuse to put his head round it, but as long as I believe it enough, I can make use of this second chance to the fullest.

* * *

Despite all that optimistic thought, there was something about Zexion I simply abhorred. He was smarmy, arrogant and to make things worse, he got credit for such things. He got the job done with no faults whatsoever, and it was admittedly hard for me to forget our first mission together.

He was across the Grey Area from me, engrossed in his book once again. There had been several days I wanted to steal it from his grasp and bully him, but even I could tell he wasn't the laughing sort.

He would let his leg bounce and turn a page ever so slowly from the top. I would watch him with narrowed eyes, inwardly hoping that one day he would embarrass himself – drop it, have an accident, anything. He was always so perfect it aggravated me.

It was on an afternoon like this he looked up at me. "Is something the matter?" he asked across the room, ignoring the fact Saix had twitched at the break of silence.

I shook my head in a daze. "No, I just have a lot on my mind."

"Oh. I would never have guessed." And with that, he returned to reading just like that. But that little conversation made me more of a fool and him more satisfied that he had humiliated me. I didn't look it, but I have more in my head than anyone! This brain thinks for two people, not one!

_Don't worry. His time will come._


	8. Liberty

Just saying that after this update, I won't be publishing through November because I'll be working on NaNoWriMo with someone else's Backstory. You have 1/12 to guess from! Interpret it as an apology present.

**VIII. Liberty**

Warm water flowed down my exposed back, my hand pressed against the tiles as I breathed in the steam. My feet were starting to sting from the rising heat, but I could barely feel them. I knew that as soon as I stopped the water supply, the coldness of the surroundings would envelope me like the darkness had that night. I wanted to stay here for as long as I could.

There was a rap at the door, and I looked over my shoulder half expecting to see who was trying to get my attention. I forgot completely about the shower curtain and the door.

"Demyx? If possible, I'd like a word with you," the level voice of Zexion said.

I groaned, reluctantly turning the dials and promptly shivering as I tried to find the nearest towel. What had I done now to merit his unwanted attention? It wasn't like I was using the only shower in the castle.

"Give me a moment."

I fumbled around the room as I got dressed, at one point putting my left shoe on my right foot. Once I was decent, I grabbed a smaller towel to sort out my hair and opened the door.

Zexion lifted his gaze from the floor, his stony eyes resting on my head. He feigned interest in it before getting straight to the point. "Saix gets the impression you're not to be trusted."

I grinned nervously. "He said that to me on the first day. What has that got to do with anything?"

"I had that vibe as well," he responded, folding his arms. "Your scent is strong, yet you appear to be the most unsuspecting one. You still possess a lot of dark powers, and it bothered me. So I took the liberty of researching into your Somebody, and I have to admit, I was surprised."

Did I hear that right? Liberty? As in he snooped into my personal life?

I bared my teeth as I let my hair towel fall onto my shoulders. How dare he!

"It's interesting. Hospitalised for almost eight years for schizophrenia." He gave a cruel smile, letting a hand idly lifting to his chin. "That's almost half of your life."

_Good to hear he can do maths._

"What gives you the right?" I whined, unable to release the anger in any other way. Yes I was offended, but I was hurting too much to have a full outburst. It wasn't my style. At least I didn't think so – I was more the bottle that would explode once it's filled to the brim. "How much did you find out?"

Please don't let him have read the ending.

"It wasn't something I could put down." Zexion's tone was serious, and I knew what he meant. "Did you see the chaos you created afterwards?"

I could imagine. I didn't need him to tell me. But he did.

Zexion took off, and signalled for me to follow with a backwards look. I made sure to keep behind him slightly to stop myself looking into his eyes. "Dr James had four children and a wife. He talked to you frequently about them. His youngest was four. He really wanted to go to Parents' Evening the following week to hear about his son's progress. Guess you saw to that."

I knew. And I wished every single night that it was all a big dream, but it wasn't.

"Dr Hope," Zexion continued. "The poor man wanted to leave early that day to visit his sick mother across the building. Imagine how she felt when she heard the news, knowing what had happened to him and the fact it all happened under the same roof. Her condition unsurprisingly went worse."

I bit my lower lip as I felt my eyes water. Of course, Nobodies couldn't cry though. But I had done it so many times in the past I knew what it felt like. My throat was choked, I wouldn't be able to say anything even if I tried. My stomach was empty, and I was overcome with despair for all the lives I had ruined in perhaps an hour.

How could all that be a reflection of Edym's memories?

My hands trembled at my sides as I came to a halt. "I don't need you to carry on," I said firmly, letting my eyes stare at the floor and allowing my vision to go in and out of focus.

"Very well," he stated, turning on a heel to look at me. "But regardless, if it were me, I wouldn't have taken such an overly dramatic gesture. You're immature, ignorant and an attention seeker. That's all there is to you. With that, I can relax."

As I thought, the bottle exploded.

I didn't know if Valitus had lent me physical strength or if Zexion was just weak, but it was surprisingly easy to pin the latter against the wall. My face was so close to his I could see Zexion's other eye abnormally clearly.

"I knew that you were bad news from the first day. I knew that you were going to be my biggest problem, but if you went as far as prying into my past life, don't expect me to be fine about it all!"

To my annoyance, Zexion laughed. I was too enraged to feel the shudder down my spine as he did so. "Hardly. It puts things in perspective though, wouldn't you agree?"

"What?" I retorted.

"Eight years ago, when you were admitted, it was from there you had no control of your life. When you turned into a Nobody, it was a desperate act for your lost freedom. A futile, idealistic goal you thought you would achieve. I wonder, how did it feel to taste that and end up here for no apparent reason?"

I hated him so much. There was so much truth in what he said that I didn't have anything to defend myself with. I had forgotten how ecstatic Edym had been in his last moments, too warped in my own emotions of guilt and loneliness in that alley to remember it all.

"Eight years ago, I was doing large scale Heartless research. I worked solidly despite being the youngest on the team. When I was ten, I chose to become a Nobody for the sake of research. Unlike you, I knew what becoming a Nobody entailed. And I was fully aware of everything that would happen afterwards." He raised a hand and gripped my wrist.

I flinched as he gradually applied more pressure. "You chose this future to escape. I chose this future because I wanted to. That makes you the coward."

"So what if I am?" I remarked, hoping that it sounded remotely nonchalant. "Does it really bother you the fact I get scared…or that I'm that little more human than you? Even if you can't feel, you can't really think it's fine to nose about in other people's business. I have no clue what your Somebody was like, but I have more of a heart than you will ever have."

When the pain was becoming unbearable, I reluctantly released Zexion from the wall. We both rubbed our sore spots, mirroring each other in such a way it scared me.

"We'll see about that. You might go on another killing spree once you do get your heart back, so we might never find out," he mocked. He looked past me, then smiled a little. "Let's sort things out before you do that."

I watched him pass me and pick up my hair towel, which must have fallen on the floor in my mild frenzy. I wordlessly took it from him.

"First thing, I won't tell anyone about your Somebody."

"How can I trust you?" I accused immediately. Zexion was not someone I could believe in, not after this conversation. In fact, if it was possible, I hated him more than ever.

"You don't have to," he reasoned. "I don't trust or like you either, but let's at least try to look past our differences. Secondly, because I know of your past, I'll be there if you want to talk about your medical problems or if you need medical help. I understand that you still have some schizophrenic episodes?"

I shook my head. I didn't want to give him the wrong idea – I could handle things just fine without his counselling sessions. "They don't bother me anymore."

Zexion shrugged. "Suit yourself. But I won't judge you, be sceptical of you or feel the need to think you're up to no good. You've proved to me you're harmless."

_Makes you wonder what he witnessed. You were pretty violent and said more than you should have._

"What do you gain from this?"

"Reassurance. I also obtained some invaluable knowledge from this experience, and if I say so myself, I got the better end of the stick." He ran a hand through his fringe. "So to make up for it, I'll answer anything that you desperately need to ask."

I was confused with how quickly the conversation had turned civil, but I was thankful. I could think clearer. My mountain of emotions simply flowed away, leaving a muddled me behind.

"You turned into a Nobody when you were ten years old?" From memory, I vaguely recalled Xaldin saying that Nobodies don't age.

He laughed softly, and it wasn't his usual creepy one. "Hard to believe, but yes. Unlike everyone else, I grow older every year. It's raised a lot of questions in the past, but it simply goes that I'm unique."

I nodded slowly, deciding to accept his explanation rather than ask about it further. "You're arrogant, annoying and really get on my nerves. I dread it when I get my mission brief from Saix, and I feel my energy drain when I read that I'm paired with you."

Zexion blinked slowly. "Not exactly a question."

"I just wanted you to know. I don't like anything about your attitude, and I wanted to get that clear." I grinned.

Your time will come though, and I'll have the last laugh. Just you wait.


	9. A Small But Noticeable Turn

Boo, I'm back and completed the challenge I did in November! Thing is, things for this story has taken a different turn than originally, so updates for this story may be slow. On the plus side, the other backstory has about 3-4 chapters to go until it's finished, and I'll post here once I get updating the chapters one by one! Thank you everyone for your support, and hope you continue to stick around!

**IX. A Small But Noticeable Turn**

We still had to do missions with other people, and it was always the case that I would hit countless Heartless with the sitar when I had to fight. On other times, I was forced on my own. Valitus never failed to laugh at me, echoing in my head and bouncing between my ears.

_Honestly, you couldn't even do that? It's a good job I'm with you. I'll be there to fight for you – it's obvious you're not up for it._

That was more or less what he said every time. And I would, fully aware that it would work out better if I wasn't doing the fighting. As I thought, I wasn't cut out for it.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Xigbar greeted as I returned from yet another mission with Lexaeus. The trip was near silent, but I didn't mind it in the slightest.

I flashed a grin. "Xiggy! Nice of you to wait!"

Xigbar arched an eyebrow. "Did I just hear that?" He exchanged a look with Lexaeus, who just shrugged and went on his way to Vexen pouring over his research again.

"I'm not allowed to? It's so much easier to say though."

Xigbar burst out laughing. "You're lazy in so many aspects. You're impossible."

I held up my hand into a V, winking as I did so. "You know me too well. Hey, are you busy? Let's do something fun tonight!"

He ruffled my hair. "You just got back. Isn't it a rule for you to take a nap afterwards?"

"I don't feel like it today," I whined, hooking my arms around his and resting my head against his shoulder. I vaguely recalled Axel do something similar to Saix before – I didn't feel anything though. Nobodies didn't even have body temperature. "Can we wind down someplace? I could perform for you if you want."

"Stop the act, it's making me sick," a voice said behind me, and I nearly jumped out my skin. Should have figured that Xaldin would have returned from his mission at the same time as me and Lexaeus…even though his mission was harder and he left after us…

"Xaldin, you know the younger generation prefer to hold onto anything, no matter how ridiculous."

Xaldin scoffed. "As in you?"

"As if!" Xigbar retorted. "Attachment as a whole. The false security that Nobodies have hearts."

I frowned, taking my arms off his and letting my thoughts of a fun evening dissolve. What was wrong with showing affection? What was wrong with stimulating myself after a painfully quiet mission? And what do you mean my false security – I know that we have hearts, and Valitus agrees with me!

"That is the trend," Xaldin agreed. "Next time either of us play hide-and-seek with a possible new member, we're recruiting someone older and hopefully with a few brain cells."

Was there something wrong with me? "What does he mean?" I asked Xigbar.

"We received orders from the Superior himself to find new members as an on-going mission. Having more members is the way forwards here."

I folded my arms. "Even though Vexen's no closer to finding out about Kingdom Hearts?"

Xigbar looked over his shoulder to the scientist in question, who was handing wads of paper at a time at Lexaeus, who had apparently left our side without me noticing. "He'll get there in the end, the man's a genius. He just likes to take his time."

"That's only because he's got ten other things going on in the background," Xaldin snapped. "Who knows what he's up to? I've said countless times we need to keep a firmer eye on his progress."

I looked between the two, slightly confused. Was that Vexen's dark corner, the way Valitus was mine?

"And I've said no equally as much. If anyone's going to get our hearts back, it's Vexen."

We already have them, can't you see?

"Let the crazy scientist do his stuff, but if I find him diverting his attention elsewhere, I won't be best pleased. And you know that's not pretty."

Vexen doesn't need to do any sort of research! The suspicion of him can be cured if you realised we all already have hearts.

The words never came out though. It was right at the tip of my tongue, but all I could do was watch the conversation bounce between the two and stare like an idiot. I didn't belong there, with them looking for their 'heart'. Was it so hard for them to see something that was right in front of them?

I wanted them to know. Desperately.

* * *

_You really think you have a heart._

You don't think so?

_Despite everything you said before, it still stands that Nobodies have no hearts. I can't let you live this illusion anymore._

I rolled over onto my side, putting the pillow over my head. I could tell this wasn't going to be like the other conversations we had had.

Maybe we don't have physical hearts, but we still have certain qualities.

_Didn't you say that you wanted proof? How could a gut feeling be proof if you don't even know if it is real?_

It's not a gut feeling. It's what I've come to realise. It's just that no one else has awakened yet.

_Was that why you didn't say anything to Xigbar and Xaldin, even when there was a big opportunity? Because you didn't want them to 'awaken', as you put it?_

I pressed my eyes closer together, to the point they hurt.

It's not that. This sort of thing isn't something that an outsider can talk to you about. It has to come from within. It wouldn't mean anything if I told them what I think – I want someone to notice without me telling them. I don't think Xaldin appreciates such a topic anyway.

_Gut feeling is a trick of the brain. Nothing more._

Valitus was getting annoyed, I could tell. If he was a real person, I would have wanted nothing more than to run away and get as far away from him as possible. But he was always with me – escape was impossible.

_If you want proof, how come you never approached Vexen once afterwards? He's the one who has all the information about how to get them back. It would be quite pointless research if what you're saying is true, wouldn't you agree? Surely you would want to start from the basics, and then bounce off?_

This is my life. I want to think for myself.

Bad thing to say.

_Are you saying I think for you? Then why are you resisting? If I am thinking for you, then you would know already that we don't have hearts. I am you – deep down, you know that it's impossible for us to experience something as glorious as emotions. But you don't want to face the music – instead, you cover your ears and turn away. Such a response only implies that you're oblivious, in awe of the mirage you've created for yourself. We don't have hearts, say it once and believe it. _

After a pause, he adopted a gentler tone.

_Because that is the truth._

"We do have hearts!" I shouted, sitting up and pulling at my messy hair. The pain shot through the roots and I couldn't feel anything except that. I breathed heavily, narrowing my eyes as I fought for my cause. "I don't care what you think, and this is the only thing I can't agree with you! We have hearts, I just know it!"

I blubbered out a lot of things along those lines for a while. I couldn't hear Valitus at all, but I wanted to drown out whatever remarks he had. I didn't know if it was false security, but I didn't want to be wrong. Not this time. After spending years in others' hands, I wanted to fight for something I valued. And the 'heart' was the only thing that kept me going.

"Hey, something happen?"

My hands still clutched onto the top of the mullet, my face so contorted I doubt I would even be able to recognise myself if I caught myself in a reflective surface.

I turned my head at Axel standing at the doorway. "You were making a lot of noise, so I thought I should check up on you." His eyes fell on my hands, which I withdrew to my lap.

"I was…um…Nothing."

Axel cocked his head. "Right."

"Don't you ever get those days where you just want to scream?" I laughed nervously, hoping to ease the atmosphere.

"Right," he said again. "Maybe you could do it another time, or outside. I'm trying to get some sleep."

"Sorry, won't happen again."

Axel left without another word, probably realising how much of a lunatic I was. Regardless of the interruption, I was still overwhelmed my frustration and desperation. I was glad that he imposed on us, for my brain was starting to make relative sense.

I thought I could trust you. Just once, can't you do the same to me?

He didn't say anything, but I knew he was still there. Still fingering the back of my crazy brain and finding the best way to penetrate its walls. Like it was hard anyway.

_I can't let you go on like this. _

_Why do you need me when you have the echoes of emotions you can cling onto?_

That was the last thing Valitus said to me that night. And I could tell by the bitter note that he wouldn't have it any other way.


	10. To Prevent Getting Hurt Again

Another short chapter. Oops. I can't seem to write long chapters at all...

**X. To Prevent Getting Hurt Again**

I struggled to get up the morning after. There was a numbing sensation at the back of my brain. When I called out for Valitus, he didn't say anything. It was so alien I had to look at myself in the mirror to know I was still there. Valitus had been with me since the day I was born, both for me and Edym. Especially for me though. My stomach was hollow, and I didn't know how to act.

It took me enormous effort to open the door to the rest of the castle, even more to get to the Grey Area. Xigbar clapped me on the shoulder, talking about how long I had snoozed for. Axel was just heading out for a mission, and I gave him a distant send-off. I felt completely empty on the inside, and now I didn't know what to do.

I didn't say anything whatsoever, plonking myself onto the sofa and getting out my sitar like the day I had started. I hadn't done this in so long – be in my own little bubble. Just me, no one else to bother me at all. But it was a gloomy feeling. I always had Valitus to talk to. Was the fact I was getting my feelings muddled as I was in close contact to the other Nobodies? Did he really hate me for thinking Nobodies had hearts?

There were many times I went back to that conversation, changing a few lines and making up what he would have said instead. Maybe he would come back. I trusted him; but if he was to take the reins, I didn't have a clue about whether I would feel it was for the better.

Being by yourself after knowing the pleasures of company is torturous. It's like after the fish has been in warm waters, it doesn't want to return home to where it's cold and icy. I could hear these voices since I was born, but now the last one had finally gone in a single night. And rather than feeling relieved that I was normal, I regretted how Valitus' and my interests didn't mesh.

I reassured myself that Valitus wasn't gone; he was simply taking the back seat. I had to stimulate myself in such a way that didn't benefit us both. In a way, we were two completely different people, which I had never thought of until now. As he said, we coexisted. We were one another, and it simply wasn't possible to separate us until now.

The next few days were like that: strumming away on my sitar and going on missions when Saix requested me to.

But in order for me not to feel too lonely, I spent more time with other people despite my initial thoughts that Valitus didn't approve. Just like I did on the first day, I clung onto Xigbar like a lost child. If he had to leave, I spared a few words with Axel. And if that was too much, _then _I played my sitar on my own in the corner. I had already figured no one else would accommodate someone like me pleading for attention.

I did everything I could to make him understand the concept of 'heart'. I listened, laughed, showed sympathy. But it wasn't enough. And then it came to me when the three of us plus Zexion and Lexaeus were in the Grey Area once again.

"You say Vexen had a breakthrough this morning?" Axel rephrased, arching his eyebrows in interest. "Now that's something you don't hear."

Xigbar laughed to himself. "And like always, he surprises us when we least expect it. What did he say?"

"Not much," Zexion mused, taking a seat next to me and giving me a smile as a greeting. It wasn't the nicest one he had in stock, but I returned it with a grimace. I still had tremendous fear and hatred for him. I scooted across the sofa subtly. "Mentioned that there may be a weapon out there capable of containing the hearts. Problem is, it needs to be compatible."

Axel grinned. "What do you mean by compatible? You're making it sound like a machine of sorts."

Unsurprisingly enough, Zexion rolled his eyes. "As in the weapon chooses who possesses its power. It'll be our mission from now on to find out the owner of this weapon, and whether there's a chance for them to join our cause."

"Sounds like we're hoping for a miracle," Xigbar mused, and Lexaeus next to him nodded mildly. "But this is what the Superior's after, so we'll all have to do our best."

Regardless of this uplifting remark, Zexion still wasn't satisfied. I didn't even have to look to confirm his scepticism. Due to the rift between us, it was undeniable for me to take notice of everything about him. That was as far as us two made to contact – we knew each other's motives but only tread on the surface. "I would be incredibly amused if everything does turn out the way we want it to. The Keyblade is a mysterious weapon that the owner himself probably doesn't even realise he has control over. It was a weapon spoken in legends, but now their numbers are few and far between. Our hopes of having a heart may be very far into the future."

Axel sighed, and I knew that he took this more to heart than anyone. Zexion continued to plough on about the horrific truth that was unfolding before our eyes.

"It's not like we age or anything. What's the real problem?" Xigbar cut in.

"The Keyblade is drawn to those with little or no darkness in them." Zexion lifted his chin defiantly – a gesture that didn't suit a teenager in the slightest. "Or they may have been passed on from the Keyblade bearers to the future generation. In any case, they have no obligation to help us. We got ourselves into this mess, and our existence is hardly their concern. We all did bad things in the past, and they're the fighters of justice."

Lexaeus gave Zexion a look, stopping him in his tracks. "Basically, we either live a life of having no heart or get killed trying to get one. It's a double-edged sword."

I had the perfect view of watching Axel crack. He couldn't handle the things he was hearing, taking immense interest in the table between us and running his hand through his hair more than once. I wouldn't be surprised he had already blanked us all. He openly expressed wanting a heart more than anyone in the Organisation, and the talk of how it was impossible was affecting him pretty badly.

I tried to imagine everything he was thinking. Smashed hope. Anger for joining up in the first place. Despair about what to do now. But perhaps he wasn't thinking that at all – maybe he just wanted Zexion to shut up, which I wouldn't mind either.

"There's no saying what this Keyblade wielder's like. I've met a few in my time. One stands out in particular, and from what I recall, he was pretty easy to manipulate."

Zexion's visible eyebrow shot up. "Is that the way to go? Then if you'll excuse me, I'm to report to Saix about the matter." He got onto his feet, but his eyes lingered on me. "Is this proof enough we're finally reaching our objectives?"

I didn't have time to respond, but his words continued to sting even when he was across the room. If Vexen had found the solution, did that mean that we truly didn't have hearts? I had reached the same dilemma as Axel, although not for the same reasons.

My mind was still trying to reason I still had a heart, even if it wasn't real.

But in truth, the only way to prevent getting hurt again was to pretend I didn't have a heart at all. It went against everything I had believed in until now, but this was the crossroads. I realised now what Valitus was trying to do.

By reinforcing both sides of the argument, that Nobodies did or didn't have hearts, it would be easier to draw comparisons. And in order to do such a thing-

_Let me take the reins and show you what I feel._

I leaned back on the sofa, draping one arm over my lap. It was so obvious now. The only way for me to understand what Valitus thought was to let his thoughts become actions and his body mine.


	11. Heartless

Probably quite a bizarre turn, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!

**XI. Heartless**

"Two pair. You're in no position to bluff."

"Ow!"

"Harsh, Saix."

I turned round on my seat, staring defiantly at Saix as I rubbed at my head to make a point. Axel started laughing next to him. "That hurt! There was no need to hit me with the clipboard!"

"Two pairs?" a blonde man across me asked, running a finger across the edge of his cards. Luxord was the latest addition to the Organisation, and definitely settled much quicker than I had. I didn't know how he turned into a Nobody – Axel got that job a few days ago, and refused to tell me by saying it broke regulations.

"If you have time to be playing, then I'll assign the next mission for you," Saix said bitterly, taking off the first sheet and putting it straight into my face. "That's the target. Eliminate on sight."

Axel rested his chin on Saix' shoulder and whistled. "You're giving him the harder one of the two?"

"The other one's reserved for Lexaeus and Zexion, I told you that already."

I put my cards face down onto the table (although there was no point since they had been revealed), taking the paper and staring at the fierce face of a Heartless I didn't like the looks of. "Can I take someone with me?"

Saix pouted, but he agreed. "Take Luxord, since you both seem to be getting on."

"I've had enough anyway," he said, throwing his cards down and getting to his feet. I had to lean across the table to make sure I could actually see a straight in hearts. "Unless anyone has anything better?"

Xigbar laughed as he too threw his cards across the table. "And you say you don't cheat?"

"I don't. I just happen to be extremely good at it," Luxord sneered, picking up the handle of his half-filled teacup with a finger and taking a sip. "Shall we get going?"

I nodded, and then we were on our way to a place called Halloween Town.

The place gave me the creeps, but it was such a contrast to the castle that was always so white. There was even a moon here, which was yellow and a perfect arch. Luxord followed my gaze.

"Is it your first time here too?"

"Yeah. I think someone else did the recon here, so I never got the chance to investigate it. Sorry, I can't remember," I added sheepishly. I took a look at the paper again before stuffing it into my pocket. "You've only been with us for a few days, right? And why do you have cards of all things as your weapon?"

Luxord folded his arms. "I heartily agree. It doesn't sound stellar, but in action they're quite a show."

_This is perfect._

I pretended to cough to hide my surprise. Luxord gave me a blessing of some sort, but my mind was on other things.

What do you mean?

_Watch and learn._

I didn't know what he meant, but I realised it as my head turned towards Luxord. Or perhaps it was his head – it was like making a speech in front of class, where the only sensation was that of your heart beating and the heat rushing to the ears in embarrassment. But Nobodies didn't have hearts. It was just a nauseating feeling in no particular place, dotting around where my mouth should be and the pit of the stomach. I wasn't all there, and it scared me to pieces.

Yet as the eyes met Luxord's, I didn't feel the thrill of our friendly card game earlier or the excitement of the mission at hand. There was simply nothing, a hollow gap that was gradually becoming fowl. It was just like that night Edym lost it – everything was so near, but it wasn't anything that I could physically touch or fully appreciate. It was just there, and I didn't belong.

Perhaps Nobodies weren't meant to exist, but we were here regardless.

I shook my head as I tried to regain my feelings again. I didn't like any of it, and I didn't want to stay like this. My fingers clenched my face, my coat. Was any of this me? Truly?

"Demyx, tell me what's wrong."

I didn't know how I ended up on the floor, but I did. The coldness of the path didn't reach me, nor did its roughness.

My breaths were shallow as everything I had embraced was stripped away in less than a second. The blow was more than I could bear, yet there wasn't a shred of sympathy from Valitus. Had he experienced this all this time?

More importantly, why did he want me to know?

Luxord helped me onto my feet, probably thinking all sorts of things I really didn't want to know. "It's going to be all right. We'll make this mission quick, and promise me that you'll rest up."

I smiled weakly. There was nothing else in it. His extended gesture didn't reach me, but rather I took advantage of it like a vulture to a carcass. "I will."

With me still feeling rather disorientated and poor planning on the town's part, it took us half an hour to find our Heartless. It was fortunate that Luxord had good guts despite me being a burden. He had his cards out even before we saw the Heartless round the corner.

He kept it at bay as he leaned me against a gargoyle in the graveyard. The cards expanded and folded across each other, a giant wave that kept going stronger each time. "Wait here."

I did as I was told. Guilt brushed my fingertips, but didn't come close to affecting my mood. And the thrill of staying out of battle didn't satisfy, but it was nice.

I watched as Luxord's cards grew in size and slash at the Heartless' bared teeth. His eyes were constantly moving, both searching for a weak point and predicting its next move. His short hair made his fighting technique have less glamour than the other Organisation members I had watched from a distance, but he was nimble compared to several. And those long sleeves suited him, definitely.

Fighting was an Art, and as I watched, I was drawn to its melody and rapid movements. It was all blurs and noise, but it was worth so much merely by watching.

The Heartless howled, Luxord kept summoning more and more cards. He could probably summon a whole deck given the opportunity, but he never did.

It was only a few minutes in that I heard him hum. The Danse Macabre was quiet at first, but Valitus made the crescendo so slight that it was reassuring. My head swayed, and it was soothing – the pain of not feeling anything didn't feel so bad. By watching the death match between the two, it hurt less. It didn't matter who would turn out the victor. It was all entertainment, and not feeling anything sort of concern or remorse whilst the dance unfolded made the show more worthy of the attention.

Luxord received a heavy blow. The side of his head was throbbing from the impact, his breath so rasp I could see the white cloud that formed after every exhale. He was getting fatigued. I didn't feel anything as Valitus continued the waltz at a slower tempo. Such a nice song that could carry me away.

"Demyx, do you have a potion?"

At the sight of him, there were only facts that flooded in. There was nothing there for me at all, and it made me feel…triumphant. Having that sort of power was inhuman, yet it meant domination over all that was weak. Luxord and emotions. "You didn't prepare yourself?"

"I did, but it appears I underestimated the foe and the given circumstances," he said, looking anxiously over his shoulder as the Heartless charged his way. "I'll pay you back."

His fear made him weaker than me. His battle instincts and desire for survival was raw and sickened me.

Let the match end. If he couldn't even do that, what would the Organisation do with him? Our thoughts meshed as I mentally sang the Danse Macabre with him. "It's a battle of wits. That Heartless is reaching its limit as well." A smile was plastered across my face. "One false move, you're dead. You're the Gambler of Fate, aren't you?"

Luxord gave me a look of mild horror, but all three of us knew perfectly well he understood. It was so easy to manipulate people like him. Things like luck didn't exist, and it gave us the perfect foundation to play with him. Once the unnecessary things were thrown overboard, it was that much easier to be above everyone else.

He may beat me in poker, but he can't beat me in life.

The climax finished sooner than I thought, and Luxord was so relieved he fell onto his knees, panting. I pushed my body off the gargoyle, fumbling around my inside pocket as I approached him. A bottle was tossed at his feet, and he took it without a word.

"Good show," I congratulated, bending down next to him. I didn't do it out of sympathy, but something to return the favour. That was the level of relationship that I felt. He performed for me and extended help, and it would be rude to leave him behind after all that. I could feel a sneer play on my lips, and perhaps it was a mechanism to maintain order. There was nothing snide in the remark – it was a fact. "To be honest, I didn't know if you were going to make it."

Luxord breathed harder, but it was less strained. "Thank you for your concern. I thought so too."

It was such a relief to go to sleep after that mission. Even though I hadn't done much at all that day, I was absolutely knackered.

My body rolled over, Valitus murmuring my thoughts as I swam in a sea of delight. I managed to worm my way out of work! And Saix would think I actually did something, and won't apply me a Heartless job for a while! Even if he gave me the harder Heartless to eliminate, I still managed to weave my way out of work. And I did manage to get to monitor Luxord, so I won't be getting him for a while. Next few missions would hopefully be on my own, and easy recon missions were what I dreamed of.

An overall success.

Valitus grinned widely at the ceiling, outstretching a hand in front of him. It felt strained as my muscles screamed for rest, and I let it fall back onto the bed. I had the reins again, with a considerably heavier heart. It was a burden to carry, and it made me retch. Everything was thrown into the boat, and it was already half filled with water. That was what the heart was, and how it affected me.

_You sung my tune. Now it's your solo - improvise._


	12. Variation

I'm really sorry this has taken so long to be updated. Hope that it's still worth reading though...

**XII. Variation**

If I wasn't meant to feel emotions, then it would have been better if I couldn't remember them. It was so complicated – I wanted them, but they were no longer there. They were simply echoes of what Edym felt. A recurring melody that rang between my ears, urging me to join in their chorus.

Yet, just because Nobodies were never meant to have emotions, it didn't mean we had to ignore them altogether. They were part of us now.

"Don't talk such nonsense."

That was what Vexen told me several days later, as I paid him a visit to his study in an act of insanity. The table was filled with so many tiles and papers of the workings of the heart and the years of work into discovering its secrets. The workings of the Organisation revolved solely around him, and whatever he researched into was more productive than the rest of us put together. His importance in the Organisation was incomparable, and I disliked him because of that.

Vexen himself was pouring over a rather dusty textbook that suited an antique shop, fingering the bottom right of the page as if to anticipate turning it.

I hung my head at the quick answer. I was barely able to present my case. "But listen: we're after our own hearts, but we still have memories. There's still something alive inside us. Isn't that enough?"

Vexen crossed the room and took his seat, still leafing through the book. "Let's put things into perspective. Tell me about your first ten years."

I couldn't help but blink. Ten years old, I wasn't in hospital or a particularly dangerous schizophrenic. I was close to normal, going to school and doing his homework. At least I thought so – I vaguely recalled that memory loss was a side-effect of ECT treatment. How could I distinguish the truth from the lies? "Err…"

Just the sound of uncertainty was enough for Vexen to smile cruelly. "Memories aren't easy to store, or particularly easy to retrieve afterwards. After each recollection, it isn't necessarily replaced in exactly the same way. To compromise for the empty cracks of the story, the brain develops its own memories in such a way to make it have some fundamental sense." His eyes lifted up to me briefly. Perhaps a small sign to check I was still listening. "In layman terms, what you feel as anger isn't anger. Happiness isn't happiness. The brain did a pathetic job in piecing all the pieces together the moment we were turned into Nobodies."

He kept his gaze steady, and I tried and failed to do the same. "The only way to understand fully what it's like is to claim our heart back."

I didn't agree, but neither did I think it was incorrect. He did have a point, and perhaps it was a point that I didn't want to hear. "Do you know that for certain?" I pressed.

He raised an eyebrow. "What exactly?"

"The heart," I answered as I circled the table. "Does it really offer everything we need to become like everyone else?"

Vexen didn't even try to make the exasperated sigh a secret. It was only natural I would annoy him – I was kept out of the loop of everything because I failed to listen during the meetings. "It's the only thing we're missing. I think even you could work that out."

"So how did we lose it?" I continued. If I was aggravating him, then I might as well do us both a favour and do it all in one go.

He gripped his book tighter, probably borderline throwing it at my head. Fortunately, Vexen was more the type to speak his mind rather than resort to animalistic violence. "By submitting to darkness. As humans, it is only a matter of time before one finds refuge in anywhere other than the outside world. Emotions such as twisted insanity, overwhelming regret or simple loss of control are contributors to this."

I didn't stop Vexen as he ploughed on. I had heard all this from Xigbar, but hearing someone else say it made it more believable.

"Most are turned into Heartless. They have a heart, but no will whatsoever. Those with some remorse are turned into Nobodies, who possess some power but effectively are no different to the Heartless. We, however, are special Nobodies. We retain our human selves as a shell, and even snatch the mind for ourselves. No matter how strong our will was to stay alive and pull through the dark, the heart was the one thing we couldn't claim back."

"And that's why we're after Heartless?" I asked next.

"Not us. The Keyblade wielder. We have no way of containing the hearts, so they form more Heartless." Vexen frowned. "Even if we were able to defeat a powerful one, there is nothing to say that the hearts released are abundant enough to return to us."

I folded my arms nonchalantly. "I still don't get it."

Vexen laughed softly as he resumed to his book. "I didn't think so. Don't waste any more of my time, I'm behind schedule as it is. The door's over there."

_You're not done with him yet, surely?_

The door handle was centimetres from my hand before I mustered up the courage to ask what I wanted from him. "If these feelings aren't real, why do we have them?"

I watched him skim the page. "I told you that already. But if you don't believe in the science, accept it as a curse we must suffer. Now will you leave?"

I did no such thing, instead marching towards his table and slamming my palms on it. Vexen looked up, but he wasn't surprised. "I don't have much of a life to remember. I know anguish and dread all too well, since that was all I felt during my last years." I furrowed my eyebrows. "Add fear and self-loath to that. But how can I know how to laugh, have a good time and even miss someone when my Somebody didn't experience any of it?"

Vexen rolled his eyes huffily. "Then you must have seen similar emotions in the people around you. If there is an emotion which you have never encountered your entire life, which I find incredibly unbelievable, the mind doesn't try to tailor for it. If you haven't seen laughter, the mind's not stupid enough to try and replicate something it can't. It would merely show the absence of it."

Much like Saix, I mentally noted.

The scientist let out an irritated sigh. "Now will you _please_ leave me to my work?"

* * *

I had somehow ended up in the lavatories, and not for a quick stop.

If Vexen was right, all the emotions I had been keen to hold onto were simply books in my mental library, taken off the shelves and the lines were all there ready and waiting. My craving for attention, like Zexion had summarised me as, was nothing more than a reflection of Edym and his old self. Not quite the same, but a poor job of it. No reflection could look like the original.

I had awakened to believe that I had a non-physical heart I could call my own, and now everything was turning against me. As I stared at the bathroom mirror, was it me or him staring back? Were those aquamarine eyes the window of my soul or his?

By succumbing to emotions, I was living on his scraps. I was Edym, but a variant of him. Not quite whole, but not quite dead. Dangling his life in front of me. Within reach, but not. How could he do this to me?

The base of my sitar rammed into the mirror, shattering him into several hundred pieces. The mighty crash was still ringing in my ears even after it had broken.

This was me.

I stared down at the broken glass, then I proceeded in trying to put the pieces back together again. It was a good way to make me look the part of madman, but I was beginning to understand what they all meant – Vexen, Zexion, Valitus. By trying to reconstruct the original mirror, some shards were inevitably too small to put back, and try as I may to make it complete, there were still many cracks running across my reflection. There was blood on several of the shards, and as I proceeded to look at my hands, it was there on my fingers too.

"What…"

Zexion looked between me and my work, and for the first time, a look of something beyond interest made its way across his face. Presumably, he had come running over because of the noise.

I laughed softly. "I think I understand now." I looked at my badly constructed reflection again. My smile was crooked, my hair apparently streaked with brown and red. Several parts of my mullet turned at sharp tangents and my eyes were wonky. "This is what we are – a poor reconstruction. The one that's looking back at us isn't what we look like. Take a look at these hands – I bleed and it doesn't hurt. It should, but it doesn't."

I held them up for Zexion to see, but he shook his head slowly.

I brought them down again, running a hand over the broken surface of what was once a smooth one. Several shards lost their place then, distorting my reflection even more. "We can put the pieces together, but there's nothing to keep it in their right place. Maybe the pieces were never put right in the first place."

Zexion squatted down next to me, making sure not to startle me by making sure he was in view. "Come on, let's go. Leave this behind."

All this time, I finally knew what it meant to be a Nobody. "Say Zexion, when I broke the mirror, I was angry at Edym for making me this way." I let out a small laugh. "But in being angry, I didn't feel a thing. It's peculiar…but it makes absolute sense. Everything makes sense."

I turned to him, but the look on Zexion's face was that of concern. An imitation of concern. And as he opened his mouth, he made sure to keep eye contact. Although he tried to be himself, his voice betrayed him.

"Nobodies don't bleed, Demyx."


End file.
